Part of The Best Peaches in Natchez Short Story Collection

“I-I need some time alone!”

That was the last thing Bessie said before she ran out of her home, the porch door slamming in the frame behind her, a whole place full of folks with a whole lot of questions.

She didn’t have a destination in mind, all she wanted to do was get away from them. The room had entirely too many eyes with too many expectations and feelings. It was overwhelming and Bessie wanted out and so she left with not much care. She did regret leaving before putting on her boots and instead leaving with only her house shoes to protect her from the late fall Georgia weather and worst of all the cotton burrs on the ground stinging with every step when she went through the field.

Bessie tried to ignore the questioning gazes from other people meandering around the grounds and quickly started for the thick covering of trees to find some privacy. She needed to think and she didn't want anybody to follow her. She was honestly surprised that no one ignored her words and tried to trail after her. But something told her she wouldn't be alone for long so she pressed on.

Eventually the young woman broke out and made it to the river on the edge of the property they lived, hissing in relief and discomfort when she pulled off the shoes and slipped her feet into the cold water. She then took a seat, tucking her skirts under her bottom to keep it slightly warm and dry as she relaxed. The sounds of the rushing water, chirping birds, and the gentle breeze blowing through the trees eased the young woman’s mind and allowed her to breathe while she tried to make sense of what had just occurred.

Her friend Mary’s brother Robert just asked to marry her. Declared his intention in front of God, company, and her entire family. He was a decent man, a sharecropper like her father and a person Bessie had known her entire life. He was handsome, respectful, simple, and kind-a man she had feelings for since she was a girl. She waited with bated breath to be his wife. Any woman would’ve been happy to have Robert to hitch their life to. Any family would love to call him theirs. Her father certainly felt that way. She appreciated the offer, she truly did.

It should’ve been an easy yes. But then there was the case of Kenneth. 

Kenneth the carpenter. Kenneth the man that proposed to her the day prior. Where Robert was public with his, Kenneth asked her privately and at the very river she was currently perched. She had found the whole thing sweet, the way he tucked flowers into her hair and held her hands. Bessie had no idea he felt so strongly about the idea of them, considering they had only known each other for only six months. But she was fully prepared to accept his proposal because if she was being honest not only did she like Kenneth, she also knew being his wife would lead to many more opportunities than she had now. Her mother agreed when she told her, the woman only saying,

“You deserve better than this life My Pride.”

Bessie blinked back tears as she remembered her mother’s face when she went to her with the news. Sun worn wrinkles, brows knitted together and framing deep dark eyes teeming with urgency. She wanted her to accept before it was too late.

But Bessie had her reservations about him because she knew what marrying Kenneth meant.

She’d never see home again. Or at the very least she’d be gone far longer than she would like. Kenneth was from New York, only coming down to assist with the bureau. But that was over and Kenneth was going back, hoping that Bessie would come with him. It was scary, leaving everything she ever knew behind to follow a man she had only known for less than a year. But she’d be able to further her education, maybe even find a better job than cotton picking something that the elder woman approved of.

Because her mother discreetly sent her down the way to the Thompson seamstress’s cabin to learn, insisting that she pick up as much as she could. She did that for all three of her children but Bessie took the words to heart in a way her brothers didn’t and it paid off. She was real smart, could read and write the best out of her family. Along with her parents, Bessie was now mostly in charge of talking to Mr Thompson at the beginning of the spring to negotiate the tenant terms. Had been since she was fourteen, almost ten years now at this point. What would her parents do once she left?

She’d be devastated if they suffered because she was being selfish. And she was content as is. She didn’t need to go. Robert was lovely and she’d be able to live a good life with him too. Plus she’d be able to stay close to her family and that was important to her. She wanted her future family to have their grandparents and their uncles. She couldn’t imagine trying to raise her children without her mother’s guidance and her father’s strength.

A smile grew on her face imagining little ones being shown how to plant and tend to land on their grandfather’s shoulders.

“Knew I’d find you ‘ere.”

Bessie glanced up from the river. Coming over with her boots in hand was her mother. The younger woman sighed as she fell backwards.

“Hi Mama,” she greeted. “Is he mad?”

Bessie’s mother tsk’d as she took a seat beside her daughter. “Yeah he real mad.”

She shook her head and slipped her own boots off, dipping her toes into the river.

“But he only mad ‘cause he didn’t know ‘bout Kenneth,” she continued. “You know he not nice to him.”

That was true. Bessie’s father didn’t trust him and wasn’t fond of the man because he felt like the man was looking down on him. He said something about it every time the man was around and the ire only got worse when Kenneth came to their house. Then it cooled when Robert proposed. Bessie’s father highly favored the man and it wasn’t surprising that he calmed down when he made his announcement.

“What you thinkin’? What is on your…mind?”

Bessie nodded with a smile. “That’s real good Mama. You’ve been practicing.”

Her heart warmed at the pleased grin her mother had. The woman had been trying to pick up other words to use in her vocabulary and using the books Bessie had when she was younger to do so. It was wonderful to see her grow and this moment helped ease some of the heaviness on Bessie’s shoulders.

But it did fall back when she thought about her mother’s question.

“I don’t know what to do.”

This was going to be the biggest decision of her life and what she chose was going to dictate what she was going to be. It was going to change everything. If she left with Kenneth, her father was going to disown her. If she stayed, her chance at university would diminish. She wanted more than this but she didn’t want it at the price of her family.

“Do what Bessie needs.”

The woman scooted towards her mother, to lay her head in her mother’s lap. She wanted to cry so bad. To curl up in a ball like a child and stay tucked in the elder’s apron. This was all too much for her to bear.

Because what did she need? She wished there was someone she could ask. Her mother was living through her and she knew it because her and her brothers were the children she got to keep. Bessie hasn’t really lived much of her life as a slave, gaining her freedom at the tender age of thirteen. She knew that she had more life to live. But her mother spent over thirty years enslaved and the woman struggled when Sherman’s men declared the slaves of Georgia free under President Lincoln. A struggle she didn’t want to fester in her daughter.

“Would you still marry Papa if you were in my place?” Bessie asked.

Her mother hummed, carefully rubbing Bessie’s head. “I didn’t have a choice.”

Bessie couldn’t see the woman’s expression, but she could imagine the faraway look she always got when she reminisced too much on the past. It wasn’t the response she was expecting but she understood where it came from.

These were uncharted waters and she was going to have to figure them out on her own.

“You make the right choice for Bessie.”

The words were finished with a light tap to the younger’s temple. Then her heart.

“What makes you want to stay here?”

Bessie laced her fingers with her mother’s. “You, Papa. Denny. James. Mary.”

She examined the differences in their hands. Hers still bright and supple. Not many scratches or scars. Meanwhile her mother’s were littered with marks of hard labor. Wrinkles deep and worn. Hands that held every bit of the forty-two years the woman had been on Earth.

“I don’t wanna leave yall.”

“We don’t wan’ that none but that’s…selfish.”

Tears welled up in Bessie’s eyes. She wiped at the quickly before her mother could see. But it was too late, she already did.

“We can’t ask you to give up your life,” she said softly. “You got your freedom. Do something with it.”

Bessie heard the woman’s words loud and clear but she didn’t want to.

“What if I married Kenneth? What if you came with us?”

She sat up to fully look at her mother, hands entwined firmly. “You could go to school with me. Learn with me.”

Bessie was young but she knew how dangerous her getting to read and write were. Saw how secretive everything had to be. How Bessie had to pretend to be illiterate whenever Mr. Thompson or one of his overseers was around. Could see it in the shock the man had every time he had to talk to them now. How his hands were technically tied in attempting to punish them about it. The power in the knowledge she possessed was because of her mother. The confidence she had to want more out of life came from her too. So much her mother gave her and she only wanted to try and attempt to repay the consideration.

“I can’t leave here. You know that.”

“But why not?” Bessie was almost hysterical. “We could all leave here! Start over somewhere else!”

“Papa can only farm,” was Bessie’s mother’s simple reply. “I farm and cook. Your brothers will farm like Papa.”

Bessie snatched her hands away. “Then I’ll stay here! I’ll farm and cook like you! I can mend dresses or-”

“What a waste of a good head.”

Jaw closed shut, Bessie narrowed her gaze. A waste? Who cares if it meant she could keep her family? She was willing to throw a “better” life away for them and her mother said what a waste?

Absolutely ridiculous.

“I’ll marry Robert then because I don’t consider staying here a waste.”

Anger fed by disappointment flowed through Bessie. “All this time I thought you cared about me. Loved me.”

Bessie scoffed. She should’ve known all along. Her mother showed it all the time. Tough love wrapping around a bitter disdain for her daughter. She doted on her boys. Called them My Heart all the time. Never once spoken to Bessie. She knew she was a practical choice for her mother but she still thought she cared.

A chuckle broke the young woman’s angered thoughts. 

“Of course you feel that way. You don’t know no better.”

Bessie’s mother grinned as she kicked her feet in the water, an uncharacteristically

…jovial activity for the normally stern woman.

“I understand why you don’t wanna go. Hard to let go of what you used to.”

She splashed again. 

“I ain’t gon like you leavin’ Bessie. Wish I could keep you under my skirts for the rest of your life,” she spoke as she played around. “But I can’t. You got a life to live and I can’t hold you back.” 

Another splash, this one a bit more aggressive. “I’ll for sure miss you.”

She stopped before she faced her daughter. When the pair locked eyes, Bessie was shocked to see her mother’s eyes glassy.

Tears rolled down her cheeks and immediately Bessie’s attitude changed.

“Mama I-”

“I don’t want you to go.”

The elder quickly wiped at her face, sighing as she shook her head.

Never had Bessie seen her mother cry. Never seen her so emotional. Even when the news of their freedom came, the woman was stone faced, not giving a single thought away.

She wasn’t the type to be emotional so the sight was unsettling. Bessie didn’t know how to handle it and now she had another issue on her plate.

But it didn’t last long because Bessie’s mother stood up and started wading into the water. She stood there in the shallow for a few moments before looking over at her daughter expectantly. Bessie stared blankly before she hurried in, barely grabbing the hem of her dress before it got wet. Didn’t matter because as soon as she got close enough, Bessie’s mama kicked up and a small wave crashed over the woman. She shrieked in surprise and tried to jump back, almost falling over.

The two laughed and splashed around, until they were wet and out of breath.

“I don’t want you to go but you have to go.”

With a shuddering breath, the woman continued.

“I’ve had too many babies taken from me. Never seen em again. But you.”

A shaky point. “I can let you go. ‘Cause I know you’ll come back to me one day. Might not be so soon but that’s alright.”

The smile on her face was watery.

“‘Cause you know where home is.”

Now Bessie wanted to cry. Her heart was full and in this brief moment she truly felt her mother and how she really was.

“I love you Mama.”

The woman tsk’d as she wiped away the tears on her daughter’s face. “I love you too My Pride.”

Bessie really wanted to stop crying but it didn’t stop, just kept getting stronger until it turned to full blown sobbing. Her mother embraced her, pulling Bessie tight against her chest.

“Hush all that cryin’,” she soothed. “You grown bawlin’ like a babe.”

Because at that moment she felt like a child. But when she went back home, she wouldn’t be anymore. She was going to be somebody’s wife and there wouldn’t be time for immature antics.

“I promise I’ll come back one day. I’ll come back to you.”

The woman didn’t respond, but oh so gently patted Bessie’s back.

“Pull yourself together and I’ll see you back at the cabin.”

With that, the elder got up, walked away, and left her daughter with her thoughts. Not that there were many occurring. Bessie’s mind was made up and she knew what she was going to do. She just had to mourn the life she’d be leaving for a bit first. She glanced down at the water before gathering up her dress higher and waded out of the water, heading back home. She wrapped her arms around herself as the wind picked up, wet strands tickling her cheeks.

In the grand scheme of things, it wasn’t too hard of a choice. Inwardly Bessie always knew what choice she was going to make. But she wanted her mother’s opinion because at the end of the day, she did value the woman’s thoughts and even if they didn’t agree at least she could say they heard each other out.

When she finally made it back to her home, her wet garment starting to grow a bit heavy on her skin, Bessie paused before opening the door. She could hear quiet talking and was relieved that there wasn’t any yelling or screaming matches happening in her absence. But that was sure to change.

And when she stepped inside, her mother was sitting there, wet as well and perched next to her father. Her expression gave nothing away like it always did. But if Bessie looked just a bit deeper, she could see a spark behind her mother’s gaze.

“You come to your senses?” was her father’s gruff question.

Bessie nodded before turning to Robert. He smiled softly at her, all beautiful and glowing. Then she faced his opposition, not wanting to further the delay in response. 

“I’ll marry you Kenneth.”

With four words, all hell broke loose.

Fin.